A4C - Adoptees for Children

All the adoptees with Molly Holt

Yesterday was National Adoption Day in Korea.  This is the 5th annual...and it is significant because one of the goals of this program is not to highlight international adoption, but encourage domestic adoption, which is currently almost non-existent due to serious societal constraints and lack of support for unwed and/or single mothers.

Me and Kim Brown, President and CEO of Holt

 
I was able to meet Molly Holt, the daughter of the founders of Holt Adoption Agency.  She looks unmistakably like her mom and dad (Bertha and Harry Holt).  I also was able to meet Susan Cox (one of the first adoptees, hand-picked by Harry Holt in 1956) and also the VP of Public Policy and Advocacy for Holt, and Kim Brown, the President and CEO.  Kim is the first adoptee to serve in this position.  I got to meet Dr. Cho too...who has been the doctor who checked the babies in Seoul for over 50 years.  Since I was found in Wonju, I'm not sure if she ever examined me or not, but she was so sweet and warm (it sounds like I'm describing a biscuit).

 The event was held at the Grand Hilton and occupied a huge ballroom.  The room was filled with foster moms and babies waiting to be adopted.  Many different adoption agencies were represented and honored, and there was even representation from Korea's movie industry and K-pop music.  I was told that several movie stars and/or musicians have adopted babies recently, which definitely highlights the need.  There was also tons of papparazzi!

After all the presentations and awards, there was a magician (not very good...needs to watch more David Copperfield), a group of children that sang, a children's dance troupe, a K-pop group (lots of screaming fans), a small band, and the Korean version of the three tenors (great voices) who sang "The Impossible Dream."  The event was well organized.  We even got "goodie" bags when we left, which contained a bottle of baby lotion and a pound cake.  Several of us sent our baby lotion home with one of the adoptees who is living at the Ilsan orphanage.

Some of the highlights of my day were meeting other adoptees (including a former Miss Wisconsin who is now a pediatrician in MN), an adoptee that is currently living in the East Bay not too far from me;  seeing all the babies waiting to be adopted...they were so cute;  and meeting all the people whose life work is to help these children find families.  While we were taking pictures, I got a little overwhelmed...I guess the combination of all the events and the babies, hearing people's stories...I'm not sure.  It was a fantastic day!

Choices

We are all who we are because of the choices we have made.  On Sunday, I volunteered for "Feed Seoul."  It's a volunteer run organization that works with an NGO (non-government organization) here in Seoul for the benefit of the homeless and needy.  Volunteers are recruited from Facebook...and then invited to different events. They organize helpers for two soup kitchens (Fridays and Saturdays); and on Sundays they take food to the homeless that live around Seoul Station.  Seoul Station is the main hub for the passenger rail, not just subway, going to all the other destinations around Korea.  It's a busy place with  many stores and restaurants, and the most homeless I've seen since I've been in Korea. 

After the group was assembled and introductions were made (volunteers were there from CA, MD, MN, TN, OR, FL, Canada and Seoul),  everyone donates between 5,000 and 10,000 WON ($5-$10).  That money is then taken to a store nearby and this week small buns and drink-boxes of soy milk were purchased.  We tied them into  plastic bags...and then the volunteers were divided into three groups.  One of the groups covered the area nearest Seoul Station, one group went on a longer walk, and the third group sang and passed out coffee.  A guy with a guitar came to sing and play.  I was part of the group near the station and a volunteer from the NGO took us to where we could find the homeless. 

Some of the rules we were:  stay together; offer the food with two hands as a sign of respect and tell them "masheka dusayo" which means something to the effect of enjoy the food.  We were generally welcomed when they saw we had food.  It was 100% men...I saw no homeless women.  Some had just cardboard, no blankets.  Others had elaborately constructed places of cardboard and whatever other materials they could scavenge.  Most were your typical homeless...smelly and dirty, some were obviously drunk or on drugs.  It was just heart-breaking to see these men and wonder what choices they had made that brought them to this stage in their life.

Our guide knew every nook and cranny where the homeless live.  I think we all know where they are, we just don't make it a point to go and see them.  The NGO volunteers also help the homeless when there is a problem, give them clothes, toothbrushes and other necessities.  They work out of a small construction trailer.  Seeing their plight really made me thankful for my life and the comforts I am afforded.

                                                             Courtney, Michelle and me.                                                     near Ewha Womens' University

                                                                                                                         This looks like fun!

On a happier note, I met Courtney, the Adult Adoptee Coordinator from Holt International in Portland.  She has been so helpful to me from giving me guidance regarding my Homecoming Program application, to even writing me a letter of recommendation, to making Facebook introductions for me so when I got to Korea I would already "know" people.  Today, I will join her (and a small group of adoptees) for lunch and then participate in a program "Adoptees for Children."  I'm excited to learn more about this program which is being held on National Adoption Day.

"Change...the transforming experience...is part of the quest in travelling."

I'm reading "Bella Tuscany" by Frances Mayes.  She writes about her house in Italy that she has taken from a dilapidated old farmhouse, to a home...refurbishing everything from the tiles on the floors, to the lights on the ceiling.  She writes about exploring the countryside, eating and drinking their way around Italy.  It's written beautifully and it's thought-provoking as well.

This little paragraph really stuck with me:  "Often we take America with us.  How can we not, being thoroughly products of our own culture?  We see what we know how to see.  Powerful built-in genetic strands that go back to Stone Age territorial instincts that make us secretly believe the Danes or Hungarians go home and speak English at night.  How much is that in dollars?  What are these terrible breakfasts?  Where is real coffee?  More harrowingly, we are wary everywhere of being robbed and mugged.  We fear the violence of American everywhere."

Indeed, I could personally relate to this.  We do take what we know with us and try to fit our new round experiences into the square hole of what we already know.  I had some of these same thoughts and questions when I arrived, although I know Hungarians absolutely DO NOT go home and speak English.  LOL  I talk in fahrenheit, inches, pounds, miles...they talk in celsius, centimeters, kilos, and kilometers.  Neither of us know how to convert from one to the other.  But as I am in Korea longer, the easier it is to drop the walls that we've built around us.  I embrace learning a new language.  I'm having fun trying new foods (most of the time).  I love exploring new areas, running across something fascinating just around the next turn...it's amazing.  And more than anything, Korea is full of human kindness.  OK, maybe it's not so apparent when the ajuma is shoving me in the small of my back on the subway train...but overall, the people of Korea are wonderful, pleasant, eager to help a traveler who is lost.  Everyone is not out to rape, rob and pillage...maybe run over you with the motorcycle on the sidewalk though.

Tomorrow I will take my down coat and tennis shoes to the laundromat to wash and dry, before I pack the coat away.  The shoes will help the down be fluffy...line drying just won't do.  Volunteering to "Feed Seoul" tomorrow evening, taking bread and soymilk to the homeless near the Seoul Station subway stop.  It will be another good day!

A fresh fish/vegetable/fruit/flower market in Anhyeon.  Tarps were so low overhead that I had to duck.

Some of the little cuties that I teach

Scary Restaurant!

Found an Uno Pizza in the Coex Mall

 Me, Kate and Michelle (all adoptees), waiting for the subway

Why so long?

I was asked this question today regarding my trip.  At first I was taken off guard and couldn't believe someone would question me about my first trip to the land of my birth. How long should it take for me to find out about the country where I was born, learn about the culture in it, learn the language, meet the people, see the country?  But, three months is a long time.  I'm guessing there may be others asking the same question.  Here are some of the reasons why I'm here (not in any particular order):
1.  I was born in Korea and I've never seen it until now.  I want to learn the language (at least some of it), learn about the culture, meet the people, see the country.  There is no way I could do this in a "normal" vacation amount of time.
2.  I came here as part of a program that is sponsored by Holt Adoption Agency and the Mapo-gu District Office.  These two organizations have generously provided a homestay for me in Seoul, assistance with my birth family search, access to my adoption information, etc., in exchange for teaching English.  Without participating in this program, I would not have been able to make this trip.
3.  This trip has been a dream for me all my life, and for it to be able to materialize has been so fantastic.  Words can't express how fortunate I feel that I am able to make this trip.
4.  Connecting with other adoptees may be one of the more priceless parts of my trip.  In the States, I have not met other adoptees, and in fact, have shied away from meeting or getting to know other Asians.  This similiar scenario has been part of our adoptee discussions, and it seems like I'm not the only one who felt like this.  Now, I can't wait to search out adoptees in the Northern California area and start a dialogue with them.  It's been great to talk about our life experiences, how we felt as children, how we did or did not feel accepted.  Although I had a very loving family upbringing,  I guess it's human nature to shy away from something that's different from yourself.  I think we (speaking collectively for other adoptees) all have felt exclusion at one time or another, because of the way we looked.  It's so cool to be here and just blend in...although, we actually stick out because we speak English, yet look Korean.
5.  This trip has given me the time to do a lot of thinking about my life.  I still know that I am fortunate to have been adopted.  I know my life would have been much harder had my birth mother chosen to keep me and try to raise me.  Single mothers in Korea are very discriminated again, and society as a whole in Korea is not accepting of people who don't have families.  In Korea, it's all about your family.  Because I was orphaned, had I not been adopted, society would have viewed me as an outcast.  I would not have been able to get into good schools, marry into a good family, get a good job.  My choices would have been few.  Although I knew most of this before I came to Korea, my trip has been more positive reinforcement of that knowledge.
6.  My dad told me a few days before I left California that he was excited that "I could see some of the things that he saw when he was here."  I was moved by that.  I came here with their blessings, with John's blessing, with my family's blessing.  It doesn't matter to me what anyone else might think...I'm super happy to be here!  This has been a trip of a lifetime.

National Holiday - Childrens' Day!

 
It's Wednesday and it's the national holiday, Childrens' Day.  Children used to not be counted for the census, and at some point, one of the legislators decided that children should be counted and declared May 5  as a national holiday.  There is also a Parents' Day on May 8...no day off though. There used to be a Mothers' Day, but no Fathers' Day...and the dads didn't like that, thus, the declaration of Parents' Day.  My homestay folks were surprised to hear that we actually celebrate both a Mothers' and a Fathers' Day. Later in the month, May 21 is Buddah's birthday, another national holiday, which people love because they will get a three-day weekend.  I'm not sure what kind of flowers these are (above)...very large blossoms.  I think they are a different variety of peony...not sure.

Today, I met a family from San Diego (arranged through Courtney from Holt).  The woman was adopted in 1960, and her documents say that she was found at City Hall.  No doubt the City Hall she saw this week is far different from the city hall where she was left as an infant.  She was visiting here with her son, 24, and husband. I took them to Insadong, one of the fun shopping areas near where they are staying, and to Jogeysa Temple.  We stopped for lunch and had a nice visit.  They were really intrigued by the people, the streets, the shopping, the food and everything they saw. We walked past an art institute...these straw things were on display out front...pretty cool!

Yesterday was Angela and Mathias' son's birthday...he is now 32.  A large meal was prepared and he and his wife came over for dinner.  We started with cucumber, radish and shrimp salad (delicious), japchae with pork (delicious), and fried vegetables, oysters and abalone (veggies and abalone were ok).  I tried one oyster (bleah) and one abalone.  I was surprised that the abalone didn't taste fishy at all.  It was pretty good.

After that we had galbi (beef short ribs) with roasted carrots, radishes and black mushrooms, which is a Korean favorite.  Angela chose the beef from America at Costco, because I'm from America.  It's crazy how expensive beef is.  Korean beef is about 80,000 won per kilo.  American beef is about 32,000 won per kilo, and they also get a lot of Australian beef, about 40,000 won per kilo.  So, needless to say, Koreans don't each much beef.  Pork is much more affordable.  She also served a baked red snapper (that's what I think it was)...whole on the plate.  They were able to, with their chopsticks, take off the meat, and completely remove the skeleton in one piece, before finishing the meat on the other side.  Such great dexterity!  (Yes, she made me have a no-thank you helping of fish--I didn't care for it.)  We finished with a yummy strawberry cream cake and a fruit salad.  We even sang to him in Korean.  I learned the Happy Birthday Song in Korean in January and actually sang it to Courtney for her birthday (much to her chagrin).  I commented that it was a lot of food, and Angela said they usually have more.  Their son is just beginning his residency at a nearby hospital and works 12-hour days.  After dinner, he sat down with his dad to watch TV and quickly fell asleep.  His wife says the only time she sees her husband is when he's asleep.  It's sad but funny.

Below are pictures of plants from Angela's garden.  The picture of mostly leaves is what she has been picking and serving as salad, with a red chili dressing.  We eat the leaves and stems.  They taste a little floral, but are pretty good and because they are a little bitter, are good with meat.  She said once they get too big, they get too bitter, so I think we're onto the next left or twig.  LOL  The purple flowers are peonies and smell really wonderful.  The other flowers are azaleas...tis the season.  And finally, a picture of Suhyuhn (the girl I tutor in English) and her brother SooJoon...they're so cute.

Tomorrow is language exchange and then tutoring in the afternoon.  I'm falling into a rhythm here...a busy rhythm, but a good one.  Happy Childrens' Day.  I'm thankful for my children and was missing them today.

Soup Kitchen

On Friday night, I volunteered at a Soup Kitchen for the homeless.  They ask for 10 volunteers for each event, and sometimes over 250 people are served.  I was told that Friday nights are slower nights, but I think that nearly 200 men were served that night.  Among the volunteers, there were three women from California, one guy from Arizona, one girl from Vietnam and several others from Korea.  

The homeless were served kimchee, an omelet-type egg role (kyeran marie), black rice (which is white rice cooked with many other grains, including black beans that turn the rice a purple color), soup, and my favorite, fish (bleah).  They were allowed to come back for seconds because there was enough extra food available.

When we arrived, the woman who is in charge of the kitchen, affectionately called "Big Mama" gave us our assignments.  We donned the beautiful pink aprons, and rubber gloves (up past the elbow), and rubber boots.  Believe me, all of these articles was necessary.  I was assigned to dishwashing.  There were three commercials sinks on one wall; I shared a sink with one guy, and then each of the two other sinks had one person.  I was to wash bowls, the other guy washed trays.  After they were washed, they were put into the rinse water in the next sink. The other two wash stations were actually rinse stations.  There was a different station for washing cups, spoons and chopsticks.  It was a well-run operation.  They ask for volunteers on Fridays and Sundays, and on Saturday, they pass out bread and soymilk to the homeless who won't come into the soup kitchen.  I was amazed that the people we served were of all ages...young and old, and were all clean and neat.  The Koreans are very aware of the way they dress!  Some are housed in a mission-type accommodation and are required to do small jobs, learn job skills, and attend church. 

That evening, there was a adoptee gathering.  On my way (this is for my bike riding friends), I saw this stencil on the bike lane.  So, I guess they want the people with children to walks in the path of the bikes.  It's pretty funny.  There are several areas with bike paths...but many more pedestrians than cyclists, so it's pretty dangerous to ride a bike in Seoul...except along the river where there are pedestrian paths AND bike paths.

Every day I meet new adoptees that have returned to Seoul to look for their birth families, live and work in Seoul, learn about their heritage.   It's interesting to hear their stories...each so different, yet so similar.  It's really amazing.  Just this weekend, I've met another adoptee from Iowa and another from Florida.  We always get strange looks in the subway because we all look Korean, but we're all chatting on in English.  It's kinda funny. 

The weather has cleared and it has been beautiful for the last two days.  I hope the warm weather stays.  I'm totally OVER the cold weather.  Today the adoptees had a picnic in Olympic Park.  It was the park built for the 1988 Olympics.  The park is absolutely beautiful, has a huge sculpture garden with over 200 amazing sculptures from artists all around the globe.  There were bikers, rollerbladers, families, couples, people throwing frisbee, flying kites, playing catch, playing soccer...the residents of Seoul are definitely getting their money's worth out o the park.  There are fountains, venues for concerts, and then all the arenas are still in place and are used for various sporting events and are available for rental as well.  There were also park police.  The park police tell people to not throw the ball so hard, so no one will get hurt, they also chase you out of areas that would make really great pictures.  In fact, we saw one group of people taking pictures with a "lookout" to watch for the park police.  It was pretty funny. 

After the picnic, we rode the subway over to Bongeunsa Temple, known as the country's "leading temple."  It has lush gardens, over 19 buildings on the property, beautiful statues and ponds.  There is even a place where spring water comes up and people drink from the spring (using public cups).  It's not very sanitary, but really interesting.

I'm still really enjoying Korea.  I hope to see more of the country soon.  I'd like to go to Jeju Island (which is just off the southern coast), and perhaps the east or west coasts.  I'm learning new words every day, and am actually working on my Korean language with a woman who wants to practice her English.  The structure of English is completely opposite from Korean, so it's definitely a challenge.

Nearing the 1/2 way point of my trip.  It's really just flying by!  I feel so fortunate to be here.  Thank you to all who helped make it possible, and a HUGE thank you to John for taking care of the inn while I am gone.   Love you, honey.